I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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