yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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