Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
