If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
