If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
