All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
