So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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