Don't make out with my wife yet
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
