Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
