whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
