Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
