we have officially lost it.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
