worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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