Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The power of my boobs compel you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
