no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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