yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
