Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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