I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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