Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
