My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
