They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
