dude i'm inner monologue high
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
