Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
