So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
