I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
