I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
