Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
