YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
