just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
