My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
