i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
