Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
