I love black thongs
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
