Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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