Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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