Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
