Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
