Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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