dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
