So drunk its hurt
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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