I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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