Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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