I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
