i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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