I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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