Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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