I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
