Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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