Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
