The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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