im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
