Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this will be a night to untag.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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