Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
