apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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