i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
